NVC Mediation

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What is NVC Mediation? A Powerful Model for Healing and Reconciling Conflict

by Ike Lasater, Julie Stiles

November 2009

To be a human being is to regularly be in conflict with oneself and others. Since we are biological beings, we are not able to be inside another person’s experience, which means that each of us has our unique frame of reference on the world. Brain scientists tell us that our experience shapes how the mind perceives the world. We all know this intuitively. In a simple example, you and I can go to a movie together, and you might be impassioned while I might be bored. The difference lies in each of us, not in the movie. In a similar vein, scientists also suggest that, in ways that are not yet fully known, the brain in effect has several conversations happening simultaneously in the process of producing what we experience as a unified consciousness of a present situation. Thus, both inside our minds and with other people we are immersed in conversations that contain differing perspectives, and conflicts inherently arise.  I have found NVC mediation to be an effective means of reconciling these differing perspectives, so much so that I have taken it on as an all-encompassing life practice. The same skills apply whether I am working on a conflict within my own head, a conflict between myself and another person, or a conflict between two or more people, or whether I am seeking to return to presence in the process of the every day occurrences of my life. Taking on the practice of NVC mediation means to constantly hone and expand the capacity to contribute to the reconciliation and healing of conflict. In this article, I’ll explain the basic premise and process of NVC mediation and where it came from, then go into detail on a number of characteristics of this form that I find make it a particularly potent model.  The Origin of NVC Mediation NVC mediation has evolved out of the body of work referred to as Nonviolent Communication that was initially developed by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, a clinical psychologist, out of his personal and professional experience. Marshall has spent the last few decades traveling around the world offering trainings.  Though the number of people who have been to NVC trainings is quite large, NVC mediation is still relatively unknown… (continues here:  What is NVC Mediation?)

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Max Rivers 7 Step NVC Variation Process 

Pick an issue, something that’s alive now? How would you describe it?

1. Lost in thought

story, judging, jackals, (usually past and future)

Is there a story, or beliefs really present for you or in the way regarding this issue?
What are you telling yourself about this (issue, problem)?

Listen to all of them and reflect back in the same words.

2. Observation

When you think of (the story, belief):
Is it actually true?
Positively true?
What DO you know is true NOW?

3. Feelings (we’re more looking for sensations than feeling words)

What sensations do you feel in your body about this (what you know is true? Describe them (body felt sense, feeling words are ok)

4. Your Heart’s Desire (vs. the word needs)

What is your heart’s desire, not referring to anyone else? Repeat back what they say using same words. I invite you to take a moment and drop deeply into that. Not rushing.

(Layers of needs exercise) If you got X (what they say is their heart’s desire), what would you have?
Repeat that until core needs are found and the beauty of the need is experience in the core needs. (Now you have one or two words probably that describe needs or values to take into the rest of exercise).

5. Sensations

Where in your body does your heart’s desire for (say their heart’s desire) reside? Ask them to describe how they experience it and where it is in their body using their own words.

6. What does the heart that desires (their core need or value, 1-2 words) want from you?

7. Action-Information (not use the word request)

Knowing what your heart wants, then what do YOU want to do?

Is there anything you want from others?

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