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STREET GIRAFFE

(Provisional Outline)

V.

Dialogue/Role Play w/iGiraffe  – Experiments in NVC Consciousness

“What is essential here is the presence of the spirit of dialogue, which is in short, the ability to hold many points of view in suspension, along with a primary interest in the creation of common meaning.” ~ David Bohm

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Tele-Practice Outline

Provisional  Outline of “Street Giraffe” Practice Call:

V.  “Blueprint” – Dialogue/Role Play w/iGiraffe (experiments: NVC Consciousness)

Dialogue is a conversation … the outcome of which is unknown.”  ~ Martin Buber

V ~ Dialogue/Role Play w/iGiraffe – Experiments in NVC Consciousness

(“iGiraffe” offered with permission of Catherine Cadden & Jesse Wiens of ZENVC)

ZENVC’s: Communication Flow Chart (PDF format)

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Two monologues do not make a dialogue.
~ Jeff Daly

Thumbnail image for “Connected Conversation Process” – instructional video

Here Ali Miller and Newt Bailey portray a couple, Debbie and Jason, who have a mildly contentious conversation. They then try using the “Connected Conversation Process,” the foundational process of the Communication Dojo, to navigate through their conflict with greater mutual understanding and connection. (FYI ~“Connected Conversation Process” – quick example)

The 2 Parts and 4 Components of NVC

NVC Model

In true dialogue, both sides are willing to change.
Nhat Hanh

Watch the Conflict Hotline:

Click here to see a complete listing and description of all the episodes from the three years of the program since 2009 (with links to them on YouTube).

“To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well”
— John Marshall

ZENVC.org’s Communication Flow Chart

ZENVC :  Learning Materials


August 2011: The Power of Role Play

Courtesy of ~ Words That Work … articles on Mediation (Ike Lasater/John Kinyon)

Authentic Dialogue (via Robert Gonzales)

See also:  Compassionately Embracing & Transformation Process

Transforming the Pain of Unmet Needs to the Beauty of the Needs

Learn more about Robert Gonzales

Compassion is being able to see and by “see‟ I mean through the heart as opposed to “see‟ in some sensory, intellectual way; to see through the heart the beauty and the tragedy, if you will, the love and the love that is appearing in a disguised form in all of those who come our way and in all of the experiences that emerge into our sphere. But it must also be recognized that compassion, compassionate self care is a way of coming to our current perception, our current fear, our current judgment and respecting that with the same integrity and with the same steadfastness as we respect that fear after it begins to translate itself into something warmer and deeper.
-Stephen R. Schwartz

NVC – Relationships & Our Needs (Exercise)

Developing a Living Values Vocabulary

Conflict Hotline – Intimacy
Miki Kashtan with Itzel Damaris and Newt Bailey
“You are so cheap” – a woman takes issue with her boyfriend’s date plans.
“I’m not in the mood” – a couple copes with differences in their desire for sex. (et als.)

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness. — Thich Nhat Hanh

“I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.”
—Dawna Markova

Dialogue as a Way of Life by Miki Kashtan

Mother and Baby Giraffe at Longleat Safari Park

1. Pick a situation in which you have tried to use NVC language and lacked flow despite your intention to connect.

a) Find language that feels completely flowing for you, regardless of use of NVC, and write it down. b) Review what you wrote and look for any hidden judgments, demands, interpretations, labels, etc., and translate those into fluid and rigorous language that’s consistent with your intention to connect, sounds natural, and doesn’t have any judgments in it.

2. Pick a situation in which you are struggling to connect and all you can come up with is judgments, demands, etc.

Write down what you said or what you would say if you opened your mouth.  Then pick one commitment* or one intention** or skill*** from the reference materials that feels relevant to the situation, and imagine applying it. Write down how your language might change if you aligned your heart with the intention or commitment you picked.

*Core [Consciousness Transformation] Commitments

**Key Assumptions and Intentions of NVC – BayNVC

***Radical Compassion – Pathways to Liberation MATRIX

baynvc’s Channel – YouTube

Conflict Hotline – Nov ’10 (1 of 5), Empathy – YouTube

Meryl Streep on EmpathyExcerpt/Documentary

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.
— Ernest Hemingway

Radical Compassion:  Three Layers of Empathy

Manske’s Pathways-to-Liberation-Self-Assessment-Matrix

Matrix via www.pathwaystoliberation.net

Other ‘practice’ documents available via Manske’s website: Radical Compassion

“Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand.”
— Sue Patton Thoele

“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.”
Peter F. Drucker

December 2010 – Inner Conflict
Host Sigal Shoham and Coach Miki Kashtan are joined by role players Ali Miller and Kerry Tepperman as they examine in depth the inner conflict write-in viewer “Lauren” is experiencing over whether or not to visit her friend in crisis and provide support.

Breath, Body, Need – Self-Empathy/’Intensity’ Practice

Handouts:  http://www.johnkinyon.com/resources_mediation.html

Self-Empathy with the Enemy Image Process
Enemy Image Process Worksheet

(courtesy of  the work of John Kinyon & NVCmediation.com)

Empathy Documentary Project: Insights into EmpathyJohn Kinyon

Courtesy of   Radical CompassionHandoutsFour Choices.pdf

FOUR CHOICES
WHEN HEARING A DIFFICULT MESSAGE

Judgmental (Jackal) Ears Out

Blame or criticize the other person
“It’s your fault.”
“You are _________.”
“You should ______.”
Voice of Anger


Judgmental (Jackal) Ears In

Blame or criticize yourself
“It’s my fault.”
“I am __________.”
“I should ______.”
Voice of Guilt, Shame and Depression

Generative (Giraffe) Ears In
Connect to your internal experience of feelings and needs
“I’m feeling_______
because I need/value______.”
Voice of Self-Empathy

Generative (Giraffe) Ears Out
Connect to the feelings and needs of the other person
“Are you feeling _______
because you’re valuing/needing______?”
Voice of Empathy

Based on the work of Marshall B. Rosenberg, author of
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
© 2006 peaceworks Jim and Jori Manske, CNVC Certified Trainers

Four Choices Handout

Screaming in Anger – Connection Gem of the Week

It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence.

Mahatma Gandhi
Indian political and spiritual leader (1869 – 1948)

Giraffe Fighting (courtesy of Miki Kashtan)

Notice several situations where disagreements/tensions/conflict occur:

  1. Write down examples of what you said during these interactions.
  2. How did your choices attend to your needs (and how not)?
  3. How did what you said attend to the needs of others (and how not)?
  4. Were you able to keep your heart open to your own needs and experience?
  5. Can you identify what you might have done to attend more fully to your own needs?
  6. Can you imagine what you might have done to attend more fully to the other’s needs?
  7. Can you imagine a path that would have moved you closer to a solution that would have worked for both of you?
  8. Notice what obstacles prevented you from responding in a way you would have preferred (for example an emotional reaction such as fear and/or a belief that you may have held as to the other).
  9. Also note ways in which you were able to respond in a way which served needs, even partially (for example, taking a breath prior to responding).

Most quarrels amplify a misunderstanding.
— Andre Gide

Disclaimer: Not an Example of ‘Giraffe Fighting’:

Conflict Hotline – Jan ’10 (1 of 6), Anger-YouTube

Conflict Hotline – Jan ’10 (2 of 6), AngerYouTube

In this episode, Miki, Itzel, and Sigal explore the theme of anger: Where does it come from, what influences how we respond to it, what alternative ways might there be to express it. A wife gets angry with her husband over hearing the same old story again…

Dr. Giraffe/Mr. Jackal – Brain on NVC (via Susan Skye)

A new kind of mind thus begins to come into being which is based on the development of a common meaning that is constantly transforming in the process of the dialogue.    David Bohm*

The reptilian complex*‎:

Dr Daniel Siegel presenting a Hand Model of the Brain – YouTube

The amygdala in the emotional center sees and hears everything that occurs to us instantaneously and is the trigger point for the fight or flight response.
Daniel Goleman

Dr. Dan Siegel – “The Low Road” – YouTube

Human beings, as they evolved, didn’t lose the fight or flight response; they just built on top of this “reptilian brain.” The new layer was the “cerebral cortex,” which allowed us to reflect on experiences and develop ideas rather than just act out instinctual responses.

~ David Rickey

Triune Brain

The Human Brain      

Chart by Nancy Margulies – http://thegreatstory.org/charts/triune.html

Our human brain contains the foundations of vertebrate brain evolution: our reptilian brain (our Lizard Legacy) and our paleo-mammal brain (our Furry L’il Mammal). Evolved later is our human rational brain, the neocortex (our Monkey Mind), and highly developed in the human are the prefrontal cortex or frontal lobes (our Higher Porpoise; higher purpose).

Red: Ventromedial Prefrontal Cortex

Image courtesy of wikimedia commons

Nine Middle Prefrontal Cortext Functions

Essay:  Reflections on the Mindful Brain by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D

COAL: Curiosity, Openness, Acceptance and Love.

Dr. Dan Siegel on Mindsight – YouTube

Additional Resources – Reading List (courtesy of Susan Skye) *

Three Academic Pieces:  1, 2, 3

For more clips of Dr. Siegel, see Reptilian Brain & Mindsight

Manske’s NVC  ‘Jiffy Lube’  Self-Empathy Process – YouTube

Notes on Jori Manske’s “W.A.I.T” process

Listen to W.A.I.T. right now

Via Compassionate Leadership’s free teleclasses

See also: four D’s of disconnection.pdf via http://radicalcompassion.com

Dynamics of Self-Connection (chart) via Linnaea Marvell

File:7 Chakras.JPG

See also:  Dynamics of Self-Connection (blank chart)

Working with Enemy Images Before and During Mediations

by Ike Lasater with Julie Stiles

April 2011: Breaking the Link: Detaching Feeling Hurt from Judging

NVC – Jackal to Giraffe Translation Dictionary

Wise Heart (blog)Additional Resources

BayNVC’s Self-Acceptance (Mourning/Self-Compassion) Worksheet

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