STREET GIRAFFE — CHECK OUT
(Optional: Practice w/ Intentionality via Connection Requests)
“Dialogue is a conversation … the outcome of which is unknown.” — Martin Buber
II ~ Check-out: Expressing Celebration/Mourning/Learning/Intention
Essentializing w/ ’40 Words’ (& voluntary Connection Requests)
Also Optional: Dispatches from the Street w/ the Matrix
(courtesy of the work of Miki Kashtan – see BayNVC.org for further details/copyright)
- I’m worried that I’m not making sense…
- Sometimes I’m not as clear as I want to be…
- I talked more than I intended, and I want to make sure the essence of what I’m saying is clear…
- I’m a little anxious about what I said, and it would help me to hear…
- Would you tell me what you just heard me say?
- Would you tell me what you hear is important to me (or the essence of what I shared)?
- I’d love to know whether you’re getting the feelings and needs I’m trying to express. Would you tell me what you are getting?
- I’m wondering if you have a sense of what’s in my heart. Can you tell me what you sense?
- Do you have a sense of your heart being open to me (or present with me)?
Expression (or asking as to the impact of our words):
- I’d love a sense of how you feel about what I’m saying…
- It matters to me to connect with what’s up for you.
- Would you tell me how you’re feeling about what I just said?
- What’s this bringing up in you?
- How is it for you to hear this?
- How are you doing right now?
- I just noticed [your breathing]. Can you tell me what’s going on in you?
- I’m really curious to know what’s happening in you. Are you willing to share that?
While vulnerable, knowing how we’ve been received:
- I feel pretty vulnerable about what I shared and want to have a sense of how I’m heard. Would you tell me…
- I’m a little nervous about what I just shared, and I want to have clarity and honesty between us. Would you tell me…
- I’m worried I’ve been talking longer than you would enjoy listening. Would you tell me…
- I want to check whether you are hearing blame or judgment because it’s not my intention. Would you tell me whether that’s coming up for you?
- I am feeling quite vulnerable and hoping that my expression is supporting a sense of connection between us. Would you tell me if you are feeling any closer to me hearing what I shared?
Checking for openness to dialogue (or to listening):
- Would you be willing to listen to me talk about my experience?
- Are you open to having this conversation now?
Supporting Connection towards solution:
- I want this to work for both of us. Would you tell me what are your concerns about the strategy that I am proposing?
- Would you tell me what might not work for you about what I am requesting?
- Would you brainstorm together to come up with solutions that would work for both of us?
- Would you tell me if you are open to exploring other options to work this out?
- Would you tell me if you imagine any other strategies that would meet both our needs?
An article on the neuroscience of why gratitude makes us healthier.