Tab-VI


STREET GIRAFFE — CHECK OUT

(Provisional Outline)

VI. 

Check-out: 

 Flowers, Tears & Lightbulbs (a.k.a. celebration/mourning/insight) [essentializing w/ ’40 Words’]

(Optional:  Practice w/ Intentionality via Connection Requests)

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

Tele-Practice Outline

Provisional  Outline of “Street Giraffe” Practice Call:

VI.  Check-out – Flowers, Tears & Lightbulbs w/ Connection Requests

Dialogue is a conversation … the outcome of which is unknown.”  — Martin Buber

II ~ Check-out: Expressing Celebration/Mourning/Learning/Intention

Essentializing w/ ’40 Words’ (& voluntary Connection Requests)

Also Optional: Dispatches from the Street w/ the Matrix

Practice w/ essentializing [“40 Words” – approximately ’30 seconds’ or 3 sentences]  followed by Connection Requests (focuses on the quality of connection between people)

“Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness.”
 
— Margaret Millar
 

Connection Requests:

(courtesy of the work of Miki Kashtan – see BayNVC.org for further details/copyright)

Connection-Requests doc

Examples ~

Reflection:

  •  I’m worried that I’m not making sense…
  •   Sometimes I’m not as clear as I want to be…
  •   I talked more than I intended, and I want to make sure the essence of what I’m saying is clear…
  •   I’m a little anxious about what I said, and it would help me to hear…

——————-

  •   Would you tell me what you just heard me say?
  •   Would you tell me what you hear is important to me (or the essence of what I shared)?

________________________________________________

Empathic Connection:

  •  I’d love to know whether you’re getting the feelings and needs I’m trying to express. Would you tell me what you are getting?
  •   I’m wondering if you have a sense of what’s in my heart. Can you tell me what you sense?
  •   Do you have a sense of your heart being open to me (or present with me)?

_________________________________________________

Expression (or asking as to the impact of our words):

  •  I’d love a sense of how you feel about what I’m saying…
  •   It matters to me to connect with what’s up for you.
  • Would you tell me how you’re feeling about what I just said?
  • What’s this bringing up in you?
  • How is it for you to hear this?
  •   How are you doing right now?
  •  I just noticed [your breathing]. Can you tell me what’s going on in you?
  • I’m really curious to know what’s happening in you. Are you willing to share that?

While vulnerable, knowing how we’ve been received:

  • I feel pretty vulnerable about what I shared and want to have a sense of how I’m heard. Would you tell me…
  •   I’m a little nervous about what I just shared, and I want to have clarity and honesty between us. Would you tell me…
  • I’m worried I’ve been talking longer than you would enjoy listening. Would you tell me…
  •   I want to check whether you are hearing blame or judgment because it’s not my intention. Would you tell me whether that’s coming up for you?
  •   I am feeling quite vulnerable and hoping that my expression is supporting a sense of connection between us. Would you tell me if you are feeling any closer to me hearing what I shared?

___________________________________________________

Checking for openness to dialogue (or to listening):

  •  Would you be willing to listen to me talk about my experience?
  •   Are you open to having this conversation now?

___________________________________________________

Supporting Connection towards solution:

  •  I want this to work for both of us. Would you tell me what are your concerns about the strategy that I am proposing?
  •   Would you tell me what might not work for you about what I am requesting?
  •   Would you brainstorm together to come up with solutions that would work for both of us?
  • Would you tell me if you are open to exploring other options to work this out?
  •   Would you tell me if you imagine any other strategies that would meet both our needs?

An article on the neuroscience of why gratitude makes us healthier.

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