Dialogue as a Mindfulness Practice


 “Nonviolent Communication is an awareness discipline masquerading as a communication process.”  
~ Kit Miller


ZENVC’s Communication Flow Chart 


“Mindfulness opens the door for our communication skills. It helps navigate inevitable relationship and conversation challenges such as reactivity, fear, or anger. It provides us a way to recognize various habit patterns that arise around emotions, along with a practice for handling difficult feelings and impulses so they’re not running the show.’

~ Oren Jay Sofer, The Power of Nonviolent Communication 

More as to how to join our @streetgiraffes NVC telepractice, download some Handy-Handouts (re: Dialogue-Prep towards more Connected Conversations, etc.), ways of Naturalizing NVC & more here


I also invite you to explore Mediate Ypur Life skills, which have been complementary, even crucial on my own path, possibly by sampling…

Kinyon‘s new NVC App:



(please note my favorite mnemonic memory trick with the “Star Wars” inspired bio-regions, most especially, via MediateYourLifeApp.com/resources)


What are conversation maps?

Learn more as to John Kinyon’s work here


NVC Academy

Approaches to NVC

@YvetteErasmusPsyD via YouTube

Questions? Please feel free to contact Pamela (@StreetGiraffe) via streetgiraffe@gmail.com 


When To Speak and When To Listen – 

“You have a choice—using it wisely can spell the difference between misunderstanding and meaningful dialogue.” (continues here)
Additional articles by Oren here
Guided Meditations here & here
(simple, not always easy)

Additional NVC resources here & here.

NVC’s Three Choices:

Newt Bailey

“I’m basically saying to people is, ‘look you can talk however you like, most of the time, you know if it works for you to say whatever you’re saying, but if you’re really clear that if it’s not working for you, or not working for the other person, then shrink down your available options down to just three options.’  That’s essentially what I’m saying to people.  And the practice is in actually, it’s maybe more difficult to shrink down and turn away from all the normal things you ordinarily do,  blaming, persuading, criticizing people, making demands, telling stories, telling jokes, all of these other options, many options. To shrink it down to just three options…” (continues)


@nmbailey: “I have a sense that 90% of Nonviolent Communication is about ‘Self-Connection.’ When using this expression, I’m referring to the practice or process that lives at the root of Inbal Kashtan’s Tree of Life diagram…” (continues)

More here

Inbal Kashtan’s Tree of Life at the United Nations:20230219_205643

Yvette Erasmus, PsyD:

Dr. Erasmus – Communication Flow Chart

 “I developed NVC as a way to train my attention — to shine the light of consciousness — on the places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking.”
~ Marshall Rosenberg


When Are You Ready To Have a Difficult Conversation?

Linnaea Marvell‘s Communication Flow Chart:


“The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well of being heard.”
~ William Hazlitt, Selected Essays, 1778-1830


On Shifting to Needs Consciousness

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost.” ~ Martha Graham

Living Energy of Needs


Discover more as to Nonviolent Communication (NVC) & shifting towards needsconsciousness, giraffe/jackal symbolism, differing approaches to NVC (including my own streetified path), handy-handouts and more here (drop down menu, partially alphabetized, midway through).
“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”
~ Simone Weil
Fontaine du Dialogue, Angers.


I once heard it said that while Marshall Rosenberg inspired many as the walking embodiment of someone who could exemplify NVC Consciousness, seemingly effortlessly, his gifts were sometimes left for following generations to more fully articulate, codify and convey.

The ten Mediate Your Life Maps, incorporated in one’s mind’s eye within an all-encompassing meta map, have become a kind of combination enigma-decoder/Rosetta-stone — unlocking NVC consciousness (potential) — as well as an intra/interpersonal gyroscope towards a more balanced orientation when friction arises.

Navigational Maps

Highly Recommended App -> NVC toolkit:

John Kinyon’s 

Mediate Your Life – Conversations






Also courtesy of John Kinyon:

Across the Aisle Conversations (free)

Reconciliation & Healing Conversations (free)

Mediate Your Life – an online retreat

Online Weekly Mediate Your Life Course

(opportunity to join each month)


Mediate One’s Life Mentoring

Supported Conversations & Empathic Coaching

Learn more here

&/or stay in touch via social media:

@MediateOnesLife (Twitter)

NVC Mediation (Facebook page)

John Kinyon‘s  3Chairs-Project
Vision & Mission

“The vision of the 3Chairs Project is a critical mass of people around the world working together to respond to the challenges we face, and creating a peaceful, healthy, and sustainable world.

The mission of the project is people having difficult and important conversations — personal, work, political — using a ‘3 chairs’ structure and process that brings mindful awareness, compassion and collaboration to these conversations. It’s about hearing and understanding each other in our differences and our pain, without needing to agree, and connecting at the level of our shared humanity to contribute to one another’s well being. It’s about having conversations that change us, that create the life and relationships we want, and that move us toward the world we envision…” (continues here)

See, too:



Mediate One’s Life

Embracing Multiple Perspectives

Yvette Erasmus, PsyDYouTube Channel

Dr. Yvette Erasmus: blog posts on boundaries

The Eight Key Attributes of a Conflict Situation: When to Use Each Conflict-Handling Mode Most Effectively


You’re welcome to contact John Kinyon, via his website johnkinyon.com, to learn more as to NVC Mediation, both formally and informally, as well as to how to learn to apply these skills to one’s everyday interactions. I’ve found his and Ike’s Mediate Your Life work/maps to be crucial towards integrating the consciousness of NVC.


More as to my NVC path here

Feel free to reach out to me, Pamela (a.k.a. @StreetGiraffe), too — here — with any questions you may have &/or if you may be considering joining my telepractice where we work with these ten maps — see beneath, scroll further down, for more details — or if you might be curious as to how a further consultation/referrals could work.

“Dialogue is a conversation…the outcome of which is unknown.”
~ Martin Buber

Cornerstone essay for an NVC practice:

Wanting Fully Without Attachment

“…I see wanting without attachment as a deep spiritual practice.”

~ Miki Kashtan via Why Wanting Matters


Miki Kashtan’s Wanting Fully Without Attachment [PDF]

Curious to practice the skills of naturalizing NVC alongside the mindfulness practices of “wanting fully without attachment” and 3chairs conversations?

Learn more as to both my blog/telepractice.

I also invite you to follow @streetgiraffes via social media (find links here)


Why did the giraffe cross the road? 
“Experiments with Truth” — Our Monthly NVC Sangha & Dialogue-Lab — utilizing Nonviolent Communication/Conscious Communication
A resource-laden blog & telepractice group:


(note plural/separate website)
Presence Journal (Vol. 24)
See About Page


What is “Nonviolent” about Nonviolent Communication?

(essay by Miki Kashtan)

Why Practice NVC?

@YvetteErasmusPsyD via YouTube 

The Secret to Enjoying People as They Are

Free NVC (dialogue facilitation) resource:

YvetteErasmus.com –

Conversations from the Heart


New to NVC?

Video intro:
Cup of Empathy – YouTube

Oren Jay Sofer: Three Steps to Better Conversations 

 Excerpt from a worthy NVC primer:

When To Speak & When To Listen

From the Book…

Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication

By Oren Jay Sofer


“If I had just one book to recommend about interpersonal communication, it would be this one.”
~ Rick Hanson, PhD

Oren Jay Sofer: Guided Meditation – Meeting a Fox


Learn Nonviolent Communication:

NVC Academy 

Observations, Feelings, Needs & Requests

Open Hearted Practice Group



Chart of NVC SkillsInstructions

(courtesy  of authors Jacob Gotwals, Jack Lehman, Jim Manske, and Jori Manske

Learn more as to the above via a Jim Manske’s book release and accompanying instructional videos here


Additional events offered by the Manskes here

Giraffe Journaling

ZENVC’s iGiraffe & Ongo Book


The Self-Connection Process &
“Taking the 3rd Chair” in Difficult Conversations
IMG_20180530_213839The No-Fault Zone®


Taking Care of Our Own Pain

“Never question the beauty of what you are saying because someone reacts with pain, judgment, criticism.  It just means they have not heard you.”
~ Marshall Rosenberg 
Universal Human Needs



“All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE (an opportunity to make life more wonderful).” ~ Marshall Rosenberg

On hearing the “please” (even if retroactively: hindsight/insight/foresight)…

From “Getting Empathy” to “Getting Support with Self-Connection” – BayNVC

By Newt Bailey 


…Fortunately, returning to the Self-Connection roots does not have to happen right there and then, while you’re still attempting to connect and converse with the other person. Sometimes the Self-Connection is going to take longer than just a few seconds or minutes within the space of an active conversation. Sometimes you’ll need to do it in a pause between conversations.

Perhaps your conversation with the other person comes to a pause that you both agree to because you see it as a wise thing to do. Or perhaps your conversation grinds to a halt when one of you runs out of the energy or willingness to continue. However the pause happens, you eventually find yourself with time away from the other person. The recipe I then recommend is:



@YvetteErasmusPsyD via YouTube 

The Three-Chair Model for Learning NVC [Mediation]:
Developing Capacity for Mindful Presence, Connection, & Skill with NVC

Arnold Lakhovsky – The Conversation (circa 1935)
What is NVC Mediation? A Powerful Model for Healing & Reconciling Conflict
arthur_streeton_-_hoddle_st-2c_10_p-m-_-_google_art_projectArthur Streeton – Hoddle Street, 10 pm
(More on my idiosyncratic take on ‘streetifying’)


Defined:  “In modern prose and poetry ‘street’ is used to define non-mainstream, a form of anti-establishment. It probably means to disassociate from what is regarded as ‘establishment’.”
Female_Giraffe_Mikumi_National_ParkMuhammad Mahdi Karim
“I am not easily frightened. Not because I am brave but because I know that I am dealing with human
beings, and that I must try as hard as I can to understand everything that anyone ever does…” (continues)
~ Etty Hillesum in Etty: A Diary 1941–1943


Other NVC Learning Venues
More opportunities to learn NVC (webinars, etc.)
Facebook page


Assessing Capacity for Conversations 

Additional NVC Mediators/Coaches:

Godfrey Spencer

Aya Caspi 

Jan Blum  

Glyn Conlon

Kate Raffin


Naked Pictures of Be a Arthur
“Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness.”
~ Margaret Millar
Handy Handouts:

Pathways to Liberation‘s

Self-Assessment – Matrix  [PDF]

Jeff Brown‘s A new monetary system: The NVC Pain Exchange – NVCPE


Connected Conversations

Dialogue Prep

Three Layers of Empathy

Read the writer/writing that introduced me to NVC:

Say it Right – Tricycle by Katy Butler
Katy Butler begins this piece by referencing an NVC tenent which posits that while our [universal-human] needs are never in conflict, our strategies for attending to them often can be.  She then presences the Buddhist precept of Right Speech, offering that many dharma teachers view Nonviolent Communication as supportive to this end.



Taking the Third Chair
“Three chairs can change your life…”
~ John Kinyon
three_chairs_from_hampton_court2c_hardwick2c_and_knoleCredit:  Three Chairs
3Chairs Process for Difficult Conversations
(via Kinyon’s Learning Resources)
Thonet chair balanceBy Gebrüder Thonet
“Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don’t believe is right.”
~ Jane Goodall


Martin Luther King, Jr.’s
“Fierce Urgency of Now”
We are now faced with the fact that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked and dejected with a lost opportunity. The “tide in the affairs of men” does not remain at the flood; it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is deaf to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residue of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words: “Too late.” There is an invisible book of life that faithfully records our vigilance or our neglect. “The moving finger writes, and having writ moves on…” We still have a choice today; nonviolent coexistence or violent co-annihilation.
By Oliver Vass
ZENVC’s Mindfulness & NVC guidebook


Learn more

Praise for The Ongo Book (& NVC as a mindfulness practice):
“In a hurried and harried world, here are some basic and potentially powerful ideas about how to remain stable and unrocked. My guess is they will become more valuable as our various external crises deepen, and some of the distractions on which we currently lean begin to show their shallowness.”
Bill McKibben, author of Deep Economy and co-founder of 350.org


Louise Ingram Rayner
Street Dispatches:
 My experiments with truth blog 
 “In a real sense all life is inter-related. All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be… This is the inter-related structure of reality.” ― Martin Luther King Jr., Letter from Birmingham Jail: Martin Luther King Jr.’s Letter from Birmingham Jail and the Struggle That Changed a Nation
 Gandhi & Walking One’s Talk


“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
— Andre Gide
Politics & NVC
An annotated version of essay: Wanting Fully Without Attachment
Miki Kashtan